For anyone who has been in survival mode, especially women conditioned to be helpers throughout their lives, the most difficult task is to let someone else take over, put their feet up, and rest.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? You have wanted a break all day. Someone finally takes over, and now you can’t sit still.

Maybe someone looks annoyed, and you immediately feel the need to step in. Before you know it, you are back in the kitchen, “just helping finish up.”

And there goes your break.

You can be angry at people who aren’t showing up for you, and you may have good reason. But it’s also worth asking yourself: When someone does take over, do I actually let them? Am I good at receiving?

Or do I hover, correct, supervise, and eventually take the task back?

The first time I made myself stay out of it, I literally had to sit on my hands. They got numb. I had already asked someone to take over, yet every part of me wanted to get up and “help” finish the chores.

Sitting there felt more uncomfortable than doing the work.

And the questions kept coming: What if they think I’m lazy and useless? What if they think I’m not a good person because I’m sitting comfortably on the couch while they are working? Maybe I can just finish this task while they work on the other one?

But I didn’t move. I let the discomfort be.

When I felt the discomfort of being judged, I let it be.

When I felt the urge to make everything “perfect,” I let it be.

When I wanted to get up and do one tiny thing that I knew wouldn’t remain just one, I stayed seated.

You don’t have to act on every feeling that tells you to make yourself useful.

When you ask someone to take over and then keep stepping in, it creates confusion about who is responsible. You are asking them to handle it while continuing to manage every part of it.

I wanted to make it abundantly clear that they were allowed to be frustrated and inconvenienced, and yet they still had to finish the task. Being inconvenienced and getting things done anyway couldn’t just be expected of the “doer” of the family.

With practice, I got more comfortable letting someone else handle things. I could finish my tea while it was still hot. I could read a book. I could work on my business goals. Or simply rest and play with my son.

You spend years learning how to show up for everyone else. It is time to learn how to let someone show up for you. It truly changes the dynamics of a lot of relationships, and you get to rest. Win-win.